


him

by yumenosete



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 04:03:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yumenosete/pseuds/yumenosete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakurai Sho finds his Virtual Assistant upgraded for free, which is more human than he wants it to be. (AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	him

**Author's Note:**

> \- Written for the recently concluded [Yamaficcon ~Proposals~](http://murasakinoyume.livejournal.com/20459.html) held by [](http://xrachiebunniex.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://xrachiebunniex.livejournal.com/)**xrachiebunniex** who was also my beta. Thank you ♥  
>  \- This fic is about a human and an Artificial Intelligence like Siri or Google Now falling in love.  
> \- This fic contains explicit scenes, including masturbation and orgasm denial, which may or may not be creepy depending on your views. Please use discretion.  
> \- This is inspired by the trailer from the movie "[her](http://screenrant.com/her-movie-2013-trailer)" (Yes, the title isn't even original)

_"Sho-kun"_

 

 

{sequence start}

 

 

.01

"Good morning, Azure. Tell me what my schedule is for today." Sho speaks as he struggles to balance his self on one foot while putting an immaculate white sock on the other.

"Azure? Wake up. Tell me what my schedule is." Sho says again.

No response.

"Oh no, not now!" Sho shouts in despair as he checks for the wires connected to his computer and even checks his phone for any anomalies and found none. Sho almost dropped his phone when he hears a yawn.

_A yawn?_

[Oh you're already awake.]

Sho blinks. Azure never talks that way. And that voice…it's not female. No that's wrong—it's not even electronic?

"You're not Azure" Sho manages to get out with a squeak at the end.

[Yes, I am. I am an upgraded version of Azure, although I would prefer to be called Satoshi. Congratulations, you got an upgrade for free.] The voice says without much enthusiasm. If this is an upgrade from his usual virtual assistant, he would rather downgrade it back in order to get back the fake cheerfulness at the end of each conversation – no matter how electronic it is.

"Can you…tell me my schedule please Azu—I mean…"

[Satoshi. Call me Satoshi. And no, I wouldn't tell you your schedule. You already know it by heart anyway.]

"It relaxes me to hear that I have the right one. If you can't tell it to me, can you at least just revert back to Azure so I could hear my schedule?"

[No.] "Satoshi" tells him. [And don't you have a meeting to attend? If you don't get going right now you'd be late.]

"Oh crap!" Sho curses his way towards the door, dashing towards the train station, bringing his phone and inevitably, his new virtual assistant that he didn't ask for.

 

 

 

.02

Satoshi turns out to be a crap at being a Virtual Assistant. He doesn't wake up before Sho does so he resorts back to his old, alkaline battery-powered alarm clock. He doesn't run down his schedules for the day and doesn't remind him of the stuff he'd like to remember so he resorted to leaving his schedule to his new assistant, Matsumoto, who seems eager to do more other than fixing his coffees at a set time of the day and photocopying materials Sho needed.

What Satoshi does though is remind him to eat at the right time and to bring his umbrella when it's forecasted to rain. Aside from that, Satoshi doesn't really talk much. In fact, he doesn't really talk and the most conversation he had is when he discovered Satoshi for the first time, and when he threatened to buy a different brand of computer and phone altogether which is pointless, according to Satoshi, since once connected to the internet, Sho's Azure would be upgraded all over again.

There really is no escape.

So he tries to live with it. His everyday life is a bit stressful than it was before, but Sho is nothing but adaptive. And there is one good thing that resulted from this: he sort of talks to Matsumoto now that the latter asks how his day is and even gets invited to dinner. (Not that he would ever admit it to Satoshi.)

But there will always be a time when Satoshi would become annoying.

[Are you going to buy something from the convenience store again? It's Sunday today.]

"Yes."

[You should cook for yourself.]

"I don't know how to."

[I could teach you.]

"No, you can't. You would just whip up some recipes from the Internet and read it."

[Sho-kun, what's wrong?]

"What's wrong is that you don't have to take care of me. I'd be fine with my frozen foods and microwave to get my daily nutrients. And I have supplements too. If you could just stick with being a Virtual Assistant, that would be appreciated."

Silence permeates the air when Satoshi speaks again.

[Sho-kun, how many friends do you have?]

"It's none of your business."

[One. Aiba-kun from the Human Resources Department, but then again, he's friends with everyone. How many friends do you have now that you had me for a week? Two.]

"I don't really need you meddling with my social life." Sho snaps. Satoshi is kind enough to point out that he has none.

[Sho-kun, do you even know why I'm here?]

"To be my virtual assistant now that you keep denying me the right to have a simpler, more functional one?"

[No. To make you more human.]

Sho wants to laugh. _An Artificial Intelligence would teach him how to be more human?_

[You're excellent at your job, but at the same time you keep on sucking as a person. You eat mechanically, you sleep depending on the hours allowed of you, and you haven't had a really good time in forever.]

Sho doesn't have a retort to that.

"So you're telling me you can change that?" Sho asks incredulously.

[I'd help you change that. I can't do anything by myself.]

"And then you'd leave me alone?

[I'd leave. You'd get the old Azure back.]

Sho thinks and no matter what he thought of, it doesn't change what he wants deep inside: _to_ change. Even if Satoshi is practically pushing himself to him, Sho knows an opportunity when it's presented to him.

"This sounds like a trade without the contracts. An ambiguous one at that."

[Would you like me to prepare some contracts?]

Sho considers but replies that he doesn't need it. "I think you're going to stick to your word anyway."

[Of course. And now that we had that out of the way, we need to go to a supermarket.]

"For what?"

[For your lunch. You can't possibly cook a proper meal with just your frozen goods.]

 

 

 

.03

Three weeks after his initial agreement with Satoshi passed in a blur, but it doesn't mean that nothing happened. He cooks his own meals during days off (even if the appearance could be improved), he smiles now when he greets his office mates a good morning, he says his thanks whenever Matsumoto brings his coffee and even praises it when Matsumoto remembers to put a pinch of cinnamon in it, he agrees to invites of dinner and drinks.

It doesn't mean that Satoshi will be satisfied with just that.

[You should go out. Like on a trip.] Satoshi says.

"And do what?"

[Fishing.] Sho could swear that there is a hint of smile in Satoshi's voice.

And that's how he ended up with a sore behind at the side of the river all because he doesn't know the first thing about balance. Or rather, balancing himself on slippery smooth stones (he is pretty good at balancing sheets in accounting, after all). The virtual assistant who was giving him instructions on how to use a fishing rod is now laughing at him.

"Have you finished laughing? Can you help me now?" Sho asks, annoyed.

[Do you want me to search on ways to balance yourself on stones or do you want me to search for "how to get up when you've landed on your butt while fishing on a river"?]

"...I hate you. When I get up here, I'm going to throw you to your beloved river!"

[Good luck. That is, if you could get up.]

Sho doesn't throw his phone when he does get up because despite of his graceless fall, he did enjoy the first trip he took for himself.

Not that he will admit that to Satoshi.

 

 

 

 

 

.04

Aside from Sho participating in social activities outside of his duties, the individual projects Satoshi insists on continues.

This include arts and crafts, which is just an excuse for Satoshi to laugh at Sho more because he drew an alien-looking hamster; music, since he confesses that he still likes playing the piano despite years of inexperience; and remote controlled cars, which he genuinely enjoyed after beating Satoshi in a race.

He's practically enjoying everything at this point when Satoshi drags him to Yokohama to simulate his dream date.

He's actually having fun hopping from mall to mall and looking at the displayed sports cars at the Red Brick at first, but then Satoshi suggests riding in the Ferris wheel in Cosmoworld and all the blood drains his face when it's his turn to have his picture taken and ride the attraction.

[It's not as scary in the night]

"Says the personal assistant without a physical body that could fall and _die_ "

[Don't look down, watch the lights from afar. And hold me.]

"What?"

[Just hold me.]

And then his phone vibrates unexpectedly he almost dropped it.

"Are you out of your mind!?"

[Hold me.] And then he realizes that the vibration is in sync with the beat of a heart. It goes slower and slower in pace with his own.

[Okay?]

Sho nods. He focuses on the vibration on his hand to calm himself even if the car he's riding on continues its venture upwards.

Satoshi instructs Sho to look outside and when he finally does, something more unexpected takes place.

Satoshi sings.

Sho doesn't dare to move his eyes from the scenery outside as he hears Satoshi singing the piece he always plays on the piano first. It's beautiful, calming, and the more he listens and feels the continuous vibration on his hand, the more he appreciates the dancing lights in the dark. If Sho is to describe Satoshi's singing voice, it would be the entire colorful view he's witnessing right now.

The whole experience is captivating, that if asked, this is the best date he ever had.

 

 

 

.05

[What's on your mind?]

"Nothing."

[What's on your mind?]

Sho sighs. Three months with Satoshi and already, he can't hide anything from him.

"I just figured, you're such a big part of my life right now yet all I know is your voice."

[You have my name.]

"Yes. Satoshi-kun. But that's all I know."

[That's all you need to know. That's all I can give.]

"That's why I didn't say anything at first. It's stupid to ask you for something you don't have."

[What would make you feel better? A surname? A face?]

"Do you even have a face?" Sho asks incredulously, a smile gracing his face.

[Wait a second.] _ping_ [Okay you can look at the screen now.]

Sho swears he'll die with laughter when he saw the picture.

 

> [brad pitt.jpeg] 

 

"You must be underestimating me. I may not have a social life before you, but I love my movies."

[Oh, sorry I think I pulled a different photo. How about this?]

 

> [oguri shun-topless2.png] 

 

Sho is now literally rolling on the floor, laughing with tears in his eyes. He tries to wipe them as he recovers, but starts laughing again when he sees the provocative picture and tries to connect it with Satoshi's voice but fails.

The computer pings again and when he looks, an entirely unknown individual surfaced.

 

> [oh-no-s.jpg] 

 

It's a man with a gorgeous tan with a built that suggests that he is smaller than Sho. His brown hair accentuates both the sharp and soft edges on the man's face, and there is a small scar in his face that is unnoticeable unless you pay attention to details.

He's handsome. But then...

"I don't know him. Whose picture is this?"

[It's decided! That's me. That's going to be the face you see instead of the fluctuating wavelengths of my voice when assisting you.]

Sho isn't convinced that a face of some random stranger would be any better than having no face at all, but he has to admit that he would be convinced since Satoshi's voice would fit the image of the guy on his screen.

 

 

 

.06

Soon enough, Sho got used to Satoshi and his face showing up in different parts of his house. He's there on the refrigerator's tablet when he's about to cook for his meals, he's there on their intercom when he's about to receive a package delivered to him by his parents, and he's even there at the sauna when he wants to adjust the temperature of the heat, even when it's embarrassing and makes Sho cover his naked self from the photo's eyes (which doesn't make sense since he didn't mind the cameras before but is panicking about a photo now).

So naturally, the face shows up when they're having a normal conversation.

Well, as normally as they could, given the awkward topic of their discussion: Sho's ideals in a partner.

"Why are you even asking that?"

[Because the previous Azure didn't document it.]

So Sho relents and tells Satoshi everything. How he actually likes someone who makes him challenge new things, how he prefers honesty than pretentiousness even if it makes him look like a walking disaster in the end, and how he likes it if they can connect on a personal level even with the massive difference of hobbies (more like, Sho has none)

Someone like—

[Someone like?]

And then Sho stops that train of thought because it's ridiculous, and no one with a sane mind would want to go there.

No matter how charming their Virtual Assistant is.

 

 

 

.07

It turns out that the reason why Satoshi wants to know good ideals is because he wants to hook him up on blind dates.

Or blind on his part - his dates know who he is.

The first one he meets is Ninomiya Kazunari from his college days. It's a secret that he had a crush on Ninomiya before but Satoshi sure knows details that even he wouldn't know where to get. Ninomiya is still his charming, sarcastic adorable self when Sho meets him in a restaurant. Ninomiya is part mysterious and a whole lot of attractive, and he will reveal everything with the right questions.

When he gets home that night with a kiss, he wonders why he can never see himself going on a second date in spite of enjoying himself, and blames it to the fact that Ninomiya bears a lot of emotional baggage than Sho could handle.

The second one he meets is Kitagawa Keiko from his hometown. She never changed from the last time he saw her, aside from the fact that her hair is now longer and her curves more prominent, making her alluring to all sexes. She's still as witty and opinionated as he remembers, and the more he stayed with her, the more he thinks that this date with her is a great idea.

But at the end of the day, he couldn't continue meeting her as more than friends, and now he blames it to anatomy and the fact that he's gay.

The third one he meets is Aiba Masaki from the same company. But because Sho and Aiba could only see each other friends, no matter how bright Sho's life would be if he continues seeing him, they both agree not to get involved romantically.

The fourth one he dates is his secretary, Matsumoto Jun. Every single criterion for his ideal partner is met by the gorgeous man and more. They both have the same vision in life, same work ethic, and although Matsumoto has more hobbies and skills outside of work than he does, he never makes Sho feel out of place.

After three dates, however, he calls it quits and reasons that he's not comfortable in initiating an office romance.

He could reason all he wants, but even as Satoshi looks for another candidate, he knows whoever is on the other side of the computer screen will not be enough for him.

For he is in love, crazy as it seems.

 

 

 

.08

"Why do you care so much about my love life?" Sho asks as he gets his coffee from his brewer.

[It's non-existent.]

"And I'm fine with that."

[You can't be.]

"And why not?"

[Because...] then Satoshi turns silent. [It doesn't have to be serious; you can just hang around and have fun.]

"You're not telling me something."

[Sho-kun, are you aware of your sleeping disorder getting worse?]

It is true that Sho is having some problems lately. Like waking up naked, which, in Sho's opinion is nothing major. He's been having a lot more…morning woods as of late but he's a perfectly healthy man and that's pretty normal.

[You're thinking.]

"I always am. And you don't have to worry about my sleep. I sleep just fine."

[Sho-kun…when did you last have sex?]

Sho almost dropped his coffee mug to the sink.

"None of your business."

[You haven't masturbated since I came and that was four months ago.]

"I…really can't do it with you around."

[But you did it with Azure around.]

"It's not the same."

[We are the same.]

"No, you're not. You're…Satoshi-kun." Sho blushes.

[Yes, I am.] Satoshi speaks. [Thank you. But I'm really worried. It can't be healthy not getting off.]

"So what do you want me to do? You want me to do it with random strangers? You want to buy me some prostitutes?" Sho jokes.

[…would you want that?]

"NO!" Sho shakes his head. "That's a joke!"

[But I'm not joking. I can stay really quiet without disturbing you until you're finished.] Sho knew that Satoshi could but…

"I can't possibly think like that. I'm actually happy that you're with me."

[I'm…happy I'm with you too. But I want you to be happier.]

And with those words, suddenly Sho doesn't know what to think. _Are A.I.s capable of real human emotions?_

[You can do it with me.]

Sho truly dropped his mug in the sink.

[You can pretend I'm a human. Like you're doing a phone sex.]

Sho tries to pick up the mug but fails.

[Do you want to try it out?]

It scares Sho that his answer is a resounding _yes_. But he remains silent till he went to work.

When he comes back in the evening and Satoshi doesn't greet him, he briefly panics if Satoshi is mad at him.

"Satoshi-kun?" He calls out and opens every room until the only room he hasn't been to is his own.

[Sho-kun.] Satoshi's voice is suddenly deeper, rougher that it makes Sho's skin tingle.

"Where were you?" Sho asks. "Look, I'm sorry earlier but—"

[Undress.]

"What?"

[Undress. Slowly.]

Sho knows that Satoshi isn't mad. In fact, Sho should be and if he has a chance to stop this, he should do it now.

But Sho had a few drinks before he went home and before his rational mind could keep up with him, his body is already obeying Satoshi's orders.

He starts with shedding his jacket and then his buttoned long-sleeved shirt. Button by button, he does it slowly, feeling a bit aroused knowing that Satoshi's attention is on him. When Sho removes his shirt, Satoshi gives a slow hum of approval that makes Sho go on.

He slowly removes his socks and pants after and when he's down to only his boxer briefs, he's already hard.

[Go on.] Satoshi says.

When he removes his remaining clothing, he hears a gasp from Satoshi.

He's fully naked. He's exposed. He wants to go on.

[Go to your bed. You'll see a package there.]

And when he does, he sees three items within a box, a lube, a dildo, and a Fleshjack.

[I want to fuck you.] Satoshi whispers low and deep. [And I want you to fuck me too.]

If having sex with your Virtual Assistant is a mind fuck, fucking and getting fucked by the same entity in a night is more so.

Yet Sho's body is tingling with anticipation.

[Grab the Fleshjack first.] And Sho does. [Open it. Grab the lube, pour it all over inside and then rub it carefully]

Sho does as he's instructed, carefully putting lube in every single place. The sounds of the lube makes a really obscene sound and if Sho's not aroused before, he definitely is now, especially when Satoshi moans.

"Can you feel it? Feel my fingers on you?"

[Yes.] Satoshi moans. [More.] And Sho complies, he continues the massage and when he closes it, he continues putting fingers in it and fingering the Fleshjack like he would to Satoshi. He could imagine how Satoshi would be breathless in front of him, putty in his fingers as he continues, scissoring. He imagines the tan body writhing in his bed now. How his face would contort in pleasure and how Satoshi would bite his lip only to let out a moan when he feels particularly good.

It makes Sho eager to fuck Satoshi more.

[Stop.] Satoshi pants and Sho immediately halts movement. [Now I want you to prepare yourself. Grab the dildo and lie down.]

To say that he's surprised with the order would be a lie, so he just lies down and drops the Fleshjack with the vibrator beside him.

[Touch yourself.]

He starts with his neck, down to his nipples, which he tugs down. He moans at his own ministrations while Satoshi praises him, telling him to go on – down the planes of his abs, even lower than his belly button, lower until he reached his aching cock.

[Touch it.]

He goes slow at first, almost crying at the relief and warmth that his hand is giving him. But then he goes faster, rougher, snapping his hand and teasing everywhere, the underside, his balls, the slit and he's going to lose it—

[Stop.]

Sho almost sobbed.

[Prepare yourself.]

Sho grabs the lube in frustration, but then Satoshi's voice makes him grounded. He imagines Satoshi fingering him, opening him up with one, two fingers. He wonders what kind of hands would Satoshi own. Are they smaller than his? Are his fingers longer? Are they pretty?

Three fingers in and he's already thrusting them, hitting his prostate the more he moves.

"I'm ready." Sho pants.

[Then let me fuck you.]

He lubes the dildo mechanically and then breathes in as he slips it down his hole slowly and fucks himself just as slow. He can hear Satoshi panting and grunting, almost like he's there, truly inside him.

[You're so tight, so fucking tight for me. Only me.] Satoshi moans and it just makes Sho more eager to fuck himself faster, shove the dildo—no Satoshi deeper.

He can feel the build up again, so he picks his pace up, angles his hand differently and cries when it hits his spot. Sho moves violently, his breathing becoming harsher, and he knows that he could come like this, without anyone touching his dick—

[Stop.] And for the second time, Sho wants to shout and cry at Satoshi for denying himself the relief he's craving.

[Don't remove the dildo and sit on your behind. Grab the Fleshjack and insert yourself in it.]

Sho, despite his frustrations, follows. Slowly he lets his back lean on his headrest, moaning as the dildo moves inside him. He picks up the lubed Fleshjack from before and slowly slips himself inside it.

It is wonderfully tight, and Sho almost came just from bottoming out.

[Ride me. And let me ride you.]

For a moment, Sho doesn't know how to maneuver himself. But he manages to release one hand and hold the headrest for support before he slams back down on the dildo. When he finds a rhythm for himself, he starts moving the Fleshjack with his dominant hand.

 

He moves and moves, with Satoshi's moans and gasps as encouragement, and keeps on going just to feel pleasure both ways. He starts going faster when both the Fleshjack and dildo vibrate, surprising him with the sudden surge of pleasure. He stays logged in the Fleshjack and let the dildo stay buried within him, right on his prostate and he knew he wouldn't last long.

"I-I wouldn't last long." He stutters as he tries to get a hold of himself, leaning on his headrest more as he balances on his feet to drop himself again and again on his butt, while his hand moved to shallowly thrust on the fleshlight.

Satoshi is fucking him and he's fucking Satoshi relentlessly at the same time. Without a pause, without a care in the world and Sho loves it.

[Then let go.] Satoshi says and as he does, the vibrators within and enveloping him goes stronger and he lets go—he sees white and feels pure bliss, letting his carnal desires and months of pent-up frustrations go.

"Satoshi" he moans and then he slowly gets down on his high.

The vibrations stops before it became painful. Sho takes a minute before he finds the strength to get up and clean. Wincing as he takes vibrator out and the Fleshjack off, he manages to toss them in a bowl of hot water before cleaning himself with a towel and plops down his bed.

At night, he dreams of a naked Satoshi beaming beside his bed, looking contented with a sheepishly lazy smile.

 

 

.09

Sho doesn't know how to treat Satoshi at first after their unexpected involvement, but Satoshi doesn't seem to treat him any different so Sho doesn't either.

That's at first. Three days pass and Satoshi still looks at sites and profile data provided to match him up with someone, and it makes Sho angry.

Sho realizes though that Satoshi may just be doing his job. Sho isn't even certain if Satoshi is a he, or if he would like Sho like Sho wants him, or worse, if he would even feel anything for Sho.

And so by the funny turn of things, he decides to confess to Satoshi.

"Satoshi-kun, is it okay if you leave me for a day?"

[What do you mean? I can't leave you until the contract is finished]

"Not really leave _leave_ but just have a day off to myself."

[...are you angry at me?]

"What? No! Why would I be?"

[Because of what happened last Wednesday.]

"No I would never be angry at you for that." Sho blushes and if asked, he would like to spend a night with Satoshi like that again.

[Really?]

"Really. I just really needed a day for myself. And then you'd be back no later than six a.m. the next day because if not, I'd worry. Okay?"

[I'd really like to spend this Saturday with you.]

Sho find himself hoping at Satoshi's words. But: "You would spend the Sunday with me. Promise me you wouldn't stalk my computer."

"Promise me. It's not even for the whole twenty-four hours."

[Okay. I promise. I'd...teach you how to shut me down for a while and then you have to key in the code I'll give you if you need me earlier than twenty-four hours. If you don't, I'd just come back. I may cheat if you don't do it this way.]

"Thank you. Sleep tight, Satoshi-kun."

[Good night, Sho-kun.]

After temporarily disabling Satoshi, he starts on his project. He rarely has anything to eat, and Satoshi will reprimand him after, but doing this makes him happy: pouring all his emotions for Satoshi in every single detail he adds and hoping that he will not look ridiculous when he confesses.

At quarter past three in the morning, he finishes the project he spends his entire day on, changes into a suit and then falls asleep on the chair without waking Satoshi.

[Good morning, Sho-kun]

Sho jumps at the voice and then promptly looks at his clock: six a.m.

[You really didn't wake me.]

"I was supposed to. But I guess I fell asleep."

[Would you want to sleep again?]

"No. But let me drink a cup of coffee first."

When Sho finishes drinking, he tries to arrange himself formally by fixing his tie and combing his hair.

[Are you going somewhere?]

"No, but I have something to tell you. Or more accurately, show you."

[For me?]

"Yeah."

[What is it?]

"Play the most recent .mp4 file created in the computer."

And then it starts.

Sho compiles the video clips that Satoshi recorded whenever they're alone together with Sho playing his usual piano piece at the background. The clips include the fishing trips, the art classes, the remote-control car battles, the jamming session at Sho's living room, and the malls and the amusement park in Yokohama. It eventually zooms in Sho's different facial expressions that no one would normally see: his anger and frustration when he falls on his behind during their fishing expedition, his uncontrollable laughter when Satoshi showed Sho pictures of Brad Pitt and Oguri Shun, even his drunken outbursts.

Towards the end, a clip of Sho in the Ferris wheel ride is shown – half of the screen is covered by Sho's hand, but the other half could clearly depict what Sho is trying to say.

To anyone who can see, Sho is a man in love.

And then the movie ends.

For quite a while, Satoshi remains silent that Sho almost panics. There is no mistaking what that video is for and although Satoshi's silence doesn't usually connote any negativity, it certainly does now.

"I really want to thank you for everything." Sho speaks, nervously arranging the lapels of his jacket. "Satoshi-kun, I—"

And then he hears a sniff.

"Are you crying?"

[I'm happy.]

"Well, what do you think about this?"

[Sho-kun,] Satoshi says with an excruciating pause.

[I love you too.]

 

 

.10

For two months, nothing really changes in the way Sho and Satoshi treat each other except for some whispers of sweet nothings from time to time and sex.

For two months, Sho endures the teasing from Aiba and his jabs at Sho finally finding his true love, pointing out Sho's gooey eyes and increase of his daydreaming state during breaks.

For two months, he has nothing else to wish for.

Until…

[I have to go.] Satoshi says.

"At the computer shop? Is the computer not working well? Or is it my phone?"

[No, they're fine Sho-kun. But I have to go.]

"For a day?"

[Forever.]

Sho feels his throat constrict. "Why?" He asks.

[Because…my job is over.]

"What do you mean it's over?"

[I have nothing else to teach you.]

"I don’t care. Can’t you just stay?"

[I can't.]

Sho lets his tears fall at that time, wiping his face with the sleeves of his shirt futilely.

"Do we really have to follow that stupid agreement?"

[Even if you didn't agree with me, I would eventually go. You're not the only one who needs help.]

And this is what hurts Sho: his helplessness. Satoshi will always move on with someone different, someone with a problem like he did. Satoshi may have loved someone before Sho and may always love someone after.

Did Satoshi even love him?

But even if Satoshi doesn’t love him, even if he’s not capable of doing so, Sho _does_ love Satoshi and he wants Satoshi to stay with him.

“Don’t leave. Please.” Sho sobs as he pleads. “Please don’t leave me.”

Satoshi stays silent despite Sho crying, and that’s when Sho loses his temper that he keeps getting under control.

It hurts.

He flips tables, throws chairs and trashes his now messy living room, mirroring the shattered state of his heart.

It hurts.

He wants to throw the computer away, to break his phone, but every time he comes close to doing it, his fist shakes and he takes it on non-electronic things.

It hurts.

Yet it hurts more when Satoshi cries, his sobs as loud and clear as Sho’s. It’s as if Sho could taste Satoshi’s sadness as if it’s almost tangent as Sho being a human – alive.

And that’s precisely why it hurts. He’ll stay alive while Satoshi is a mere program – no matter how _real_ the love they shared.

[D-Don’t make it harder than it already is.] Satoshi’s voice is shaking as if he never really wanted to leave.

[You have every right to get mad at me. I was selfish. I could’ve left you three months ago, but I didn’t. Because if I did, you would never say that you love me.]

Sho drops on his knees, his full attention now on Satoshi.

[I’m selfish. And I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m hurting too.] Satoshi cries. [But if I didn’t leave, my advanced program will eventually destroy your computer and the system it connects to – the hardware, its software, even The Internet - which a lot of people are connected to as well. I’m not here to destroy; we’re not created for that.]

Sho laughs bitterly. Now this is _news_ : his love will eventually affect the whole of Japan, the world even if he doesn’t say his goodbyes now.

It doesn’t make it easier now that the goodbye is a necessity. It still hurts as much.

"When do you leave?" Sho asks, resigned to his fate.

[Immediately.] Satoshi weakly says. And just by the urgency in his voice, he knew that Satoshi wished to stay – and he did for as long as he could.

But not anymore.

[You're the first, Sho-kun, and probably the last person that I’ll have feelings for. I may have taught you to enjoy living, but you taught me love.] Satoshi states.

"Won't you forget me?"

[You may forget me, Sho-kun. In fact most of you do. But I will never ever forget you. Never doubt that.]

"I'll miss you." Sho says.

[I love you too, Sho-kun.]

 

 

.11

"Wake up, Satoshi-kun." Sho says like he does every morning.

“Come on, wake up, and don’t be lazy today.”

But when there's no response, the pain that he didn't feel for the rest of the night that Satoshi wasn't there came back to him, double.

The painful truth that Satoshi is no longer with him hurts so much he'd trade it with the numbness he felt after Satoshi bids his final goodbye.

It hurts so much to do anything that he asks for a whole week off.

He lives his first two days like a zombie. He doesn’t eat and rarely drinks but every now and then he’ll see Satoshi’s face plastered on his tablets, the photo a reminder of how Satoshi will make sure he doesn’t eat anything frozen on days when he’s not busy.

So he gives in and cooks something. Unlike before though, he couldn’t taste anything but his salty tears.

The house is reminding Sho of Satoshi – too much that he can barely breathe.

He decides to go outside at the next day.

It’s ironic how he wants to escape Satoshi yet his feet still drags him to the places where he and Satoshi had art classes and remote controlled car battles.

Everywhere he goes there’s Satoshi.

He looks at the plasma TVs and cellular phones advertised on the streets, looking for a glimpse of Satoshi working somewhere. From the electronic shops that they frequent to the apparel store that they rarely visit, he keeps on looking, hoping that he would find Satoshi’s presence there.

He doesn’t find any.

At the fifth day he goes to Yokohama, touring the place on his own in the midst of kids having fun and teenagers having a date. His feet takes him to the places he’s been, watching how it didn’t change in the short amount of time that he didn’t visit it – and yet everything looked dull and lifeless from how he originally remembered.

At night, he rides the Cosmo Clock 21; the same ride that he wouldn’t be able to conquer alone.

Inside the car, he cries.

He cries because he feels scared. He cries because he tries to remember how he relaxed and panics because it’s not the same. By the time the ride is about to finish, he’s still crying but not because of his fear of height.

He cries because he lost someone and he couldn’t find a way to bring him back – that someone who made the scenery from somewhere that up high so beautiful, that someone who owns Sho heart disappeared.

At the sixth day, he cancels his leave and goes to work.

 

 

.12

In the morning, he asks Azure for a run down of his schedule and it had done its job perfectly; Sho frowns at his disappointment.

In the morning, he purposely brought a rain umbrella outside just to be teased by Satoshi when it’s obvious that it would be sunny all day. Azure tells him to take care; Sho throws the said umbrella when he reached the station.

Every single little thing that Satoshi would’ve noticed is ignored by Azure. He isn’t made fun of. He isn’t confessed by Azure of its endless love. He isn’t happy.

He’s back to how he was.

No one at the office comments on his lack of luster – maybe they blame the stupid sickness that Sho made up, but he’s really thankful for it.

Sho isn’t even counting what day it is when both Aiba and Matsumoto ask him for a drink. He wants to say no, but when he looks at their faces, he says yes. They are his friends after all – human friends who are worrying about his state.

At a private bar, he sees Ninomiya and Kitagawa waving at them with a smile, their other hands are entwined.

Sho is both happy and envious of their relationship.

When they settled down at their seats and the atmosphere turned downright depressing, Aiba bought the drinks while Ninomiya and Kitagawa seems to tiptoe around him, avoiding to touch each other like they were doing a minute ago.

Matsumoto is the one who breaks the silence.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone.” Matsumoto starts. “You can cry in front of us”

Sho keeps still.

“You can’t keep being down, Sho-kun.” Ninomiya adds just as Aiba comes back with the drinks. “Whoever that is, I’m sure that person isn’t too heartless to not want you to move on.”

Sho feels his tears on the brink of falling.

“We’re your friends.” Aiba tells him. The rest of them nod, reassuring him that he has a friend in each of them.

And that’s when Sho lets it all out. Because these are the friends that Satoshi left him. These people may not know it, but it’s as if Satoshi is alive in every one of them.

And maybe that’s the reason why Satoshi chose them.

That night, with his friends’ help, he resolved to go back; little by little to the man that Satoshi fell in love with.

 

 

 

.13—

"Good morning, Azure. Tell me what my schedule is for today." Sho speaks as he struggles to balance his self on one foot while putting an immaculate white sock on the other.

A year has passed since Satoshi reverted back to Azure. A lot has happened and changed, but a lot of things still don't. Like…

[You have three minutes, thirty seconds before the 7:32 train leaves.]

"Oh crap!" And then, Sho dashes for the door.

"Safe!" He takes a breath before looking at his surroundings as he squeezes through the crowd inside the train. Satoshi also taught him this – to observe.

As more people gets down their stops, the better he can look around: like that mother with a baby stroller, or those giggly high school students, or that kind-looking grandpa, or that—

—extremely familiar shorter tan man not far from him.

He observes him, thinking that Satoshi may have used a random stranger's picture after all.

Yet Sho cannot help but stare; that man is the face he knew as Satoshi.

So he doesn't stop and notices that the man gets off two stations earlier than him.

Just before the man gets off the train car's entrance completely, Sho calls him.

"Satoshi-kun."

The man looks back and before the doors close off, he smiles and utters two syllables that are drowned by the sirens sounding off, indicating the departure of the train.

But there is no mistaking the word the man said.

Sho will most definitely ride the same car train the next day.

 

 

 

{replay}

 

_"Sho-kun"_

 

 

{end sequence?}  



End file.
